#like should i blow up my life
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
28.6 is the average number of monthly visits per US mobile user.
Text
"my oshis graduated" outfit swap
#yeah this one was for me#tsukumo sana#magni dezmond#vtuber#holofateswap#hololive#holostars#holocouncil#holotempus#it's funny bc after they graduated I was like#oh I won't draw them anymore out of respect ^_^#but unfortunately I missed them too much so here I am. drawing them still#I should reiterate that I'm happy that they're taking care of themselves#and that they're happier now!#I just cherish the memories we made together also#I think that's the best way to put it#BLOWS THEM A BIG CHEESY KISS#vespy is also my oshi but I cannot draw big buff men in tight outfits for the life of me. NEXT TIME MAYBE#I already struggle with axel and he's like. not even that bulked up#I'M TRYING MEN </3#oh that tag sounds fucking weird out of context#i'm leaving it though
376 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Sketches for the BTMTMIM series by @raetttriestowrite and UntoldDepths <3
#the old guard#assassin's creed#Never engaged with anything AC related until this crossover series invaded my life#I actually found this while scrolling through the booker tag#I believe that desmond should be able to blow up all of capitalism actually#I'm like 30% sure that's the goal of the AC tbh#based on osmosis from other artists I follow#I've only really seen the lesbian valkyrie art which is nice#just scrolled through the wiki just to see how many assassins there are and wow that'sa lotta assassins assassinating out there
243 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about how when i was in high school numerous people showed interest in me but i had been so deeply conditioned to hate my body i was like. oh theyre just doing this for a laugh. obviously. duh. despite like. lots of evidence to the contrary 😭
#its just so fucking frustrating and sickening to remember HOW fucking awful i felt about my body and how i looked and even worse#to know that nobody in my social life ever made a single comment about it. like i was lucky to be surrounded by kind teens lmao#but the point is i felt like some grotesque unlovable thing all bc my stupid fucking FAMILY made me feel like that#isnt that so rage inducing i should blow up the building#bc its STILL always on my mind it still makes me nervous it still ruins. so many interactions lol#whatever though. thank fuck i went to the gym after all endorphins will banish this beaft
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
The thing about parenting a PDA kid is that you do not control them. You are not their boss and you are not in control.
The firmer you are the less it works, the more strict you become the less they listen. 'Putting tour foot down' will do nothing but stress them and possibly cause a meltdown.
All you can do is offer comfort, assistance, and advice, but you need to let them make their own decisions, whether they be bad or good, because you cannot stop them.
They might listen to some demands, such as bedtimes or screentime or helping with chores, but only if they are offered lightly. Only if there is wiggle room and they have options.
You are not in control of your PDA child. The sooner you accept that you are not their warden nor owner, the better your relationship will be.
#personal#pda#pathological demand avoidance#autism#pda autism#im not a parent but i do have pda n many opinions on how we should be raised#my autonomy is more important than my feelings safety future or relationships.#no bc its so weird how in fiction the stricter the parents get in a demand the more the child listens#like hello? what???#if my dad said that that to me id blow up oin his face creeper style#best moment of my life is when i realized hey! i dont have to listen to anyone! i can just do what i want
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
If there's one thing I like more than time travel it's crossover reincarnation, so.
Botk link reincarnated as Damian Wayne.
An incredible weapon master of all types, but especially prodigious with a sword - he was beating knights at the age of 4 and with his memories as intact as they get for him I can see that goalpost moving even further (probably with traps and tricks, a 3yo doesn't exactly have great bodily control).
He's an excellent survivalist, agile, strong, durable, cunning and creative. He can move like a feather in the breeze, strike from behind with ease. His first kill, an animal, did not stir him as it did the other children. With his poise, grace, skills, obedience, he ought to be ra'as' finest assassin in the making, a jewel in the crown of the league.
Except he never speaks a word. Half his targets escape unscathed. He skates by true punishment on the merit of his skills and achievements in other missions. Testing has shown it is not a physical deformity that prevents his speech, but not even talia has been able to coaxe a word from him past his second birthday.
It is a defect ra'as is growing more and more frustrated by, as each attempt to fix these two final flaws ends in resounding failure. Less extreme solutions are running dry.
Talia fears those solutions. Her child does too, she knows. For them, there is a possible solution, more extreme than anything ra'as would tolerate.
She sends him out of the league. To his father.
To Gotham.
#'gee phoenix that sure sounds like that dp x dc you're normally rattling on about' yeah lol I steal tropes and sell them on the black market#Anyway this has been slowly rotisserie-ing in my head for a while I just like shaking canon like a magic 8 ball#I'd love to explore how link would react to Gotham and how he might see getting suddenly dumped in a found family as the youngest#And how that contrasts with both his expectations in the league and his role as the saviour last hope of a whole country#Because that kid cannot have a modern interpretation of killing. Like monsters? Kill with prejudice loot the corpses.#The yiga might have a little more hindsight understanding and he never killed them anyway but zero hesitation blowing them up#And ganon is so far removed from the concept of 'killing is bad' because a) human??? Monster??? B) literally the problem#C) he's been killing people so it'd even out d) everyone wants him dead So Bad e) been killed already like a dozen times what's one more#I get the feeling he'd assign the same role to the joker like 'widely considered the source of all evil. 'died' several times and came back#personal source of absolute misery for several heroes. Killed many' = slay the monster. Straightforward.#Like yes link always chooses kindness and has a strong morality and Opinion on killing people it's just a lot would be solved#By hitting the joker until he stopped making life miserable for everyone and if that means permanently well that's kind of link's job.#And like with Jason the bats understand that a lot better than they pretend to. But that is a 10yo who should not be thinking like that.#I think it'd be interesting to see how that'd change their reactions to 'Damian'. Like he holds a very similar opinion to og and Jason he#Just goes about it completely differently.#And I'd love to explore the differences between two fictional worlds and how they can go from pretty much the most black/white morality#To probably one of the greyest areas while still holding near identical themes and methods of dealing with that.#Found family compassion as a weapon against evil and copious amounts of weapons and cool gear lol#Also link should keep the arm he's earned it. Reincarnating with all his memories knocked a few other things loose I'd imagine#Mostly because all the loz games I've played have absolutely altered the way I view any link and also I love referencing them.#Damian with telekinesis and infinite glue would be great. A tiny 10yo sword master choosing instead to drop a dumpster on you#In between hurt comfort link beginning to bond with his family and begin to speak and learn sign language from cass#There's also the sound of explosives and a small figure clinging to a flying door as it crosses the Gotham night skies#Speaking of cass I bet her and link would be great friends in this au.#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#loz au#Loz#loz totk
32 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wish I was like a god at cars and just able to fix that shit in my yard with ease and say yeah the shitbox 4th plug just needs a bit more elbow grease but I ain't letting this fucker die yet, yet here I am kicking its damn stationary wheel for the 50th time
#i speak#my car has every issue known to man and it pisses me off to no end that I dont know /enough/ to just force it to work forever#because no fucker around her deals with my brand of car and won't admit they're also tilting their head sideways because#brother don't ask me why they put that there i know it's fucking stupid but just. work with me here#a battery for a car SHOULD NOT BE NEXT TO THE WHEEL EVER AGAIN#cc and olguita my car didn't blow up a secondary time while its been living life rotting in my drive way#im just watching people getting 60s cars running perfectly and I'm mad again about my princess baby >:(#amd buying cars in this economy... oy vey#anyways if you read this far: william is good at working on cars far more than henry#while Henry can make an animatronic. hydraulic engineering isnt the same as a hunk of metal that purposely explodes itself to move#also will is British french and we know how french weirdos are about cars okay have you seen a French car ?#i don't think he's obsessed with cars like most people hc him to be but he def lived out of his car for a long time in his early 20s#and thus had to learn fast on keepjng his literal home moving
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
clawing tearing at the walls shredding everything to pieces scratching my skin off pulling out my hair banging my head against the wall shattering everything glass i can find setting everything on fire and disappearing into the woods to die
#hi im feeling normal (bad)#series of small mildly upsetting events occurred over the past week and it made my brain go hmm how can u gain control of ur life again...#i know!! that good old ocd tgat already runs ur life should decide to make Everything painful. hope yhis helps!!#THAT WAS NOT WHAT I WANTED fuuuuuck sometimes im like...... i could probably curb the ocd if i gave into other disorder...... that is not#true but if i focus more on one the other gets less persistent........#or like i could do a coping mechanism or smth. coping mechanism of blowing everything up with my mind
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
-
#dissociating really bad while i was going home only to come back home to my mother's insane evil bullshit#needless to say i feel deeply unwell. the world is driving my half insane. i feel like I'll never be free#like should i blow up my life? should i break up with my partner? should i ruin my friendships? should i completely disappear#all of these are things that are within the realm of possibility and feel like even a certainty bc there's nothing to stop me from that#there's no resistance or deterrence like there is to getting better. to moving out and trusting i can always pay rent.#to knowing myself fully and knowing what i want. to not feeling hunted and disembodied all the time#to not worrying for my brothers. knowing what im leaving them to.#ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im going to do some chores to calm down#oh it pisses me off so much how much my psych keeps minimizing the impact of the genocide. white woman you will never understand my grief#and im on the max dose of my medication so she cant even raise it like she wants to. lmao! lmao.#i see the rationale in wanting to adjust my medication given how im fairing but it just is so funny. what medication is meant to help me#survive this exactly. how is a person supposed to get through this without going insane.
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Do ppl genuinely think jinx blew up the council for the liberation of zaun
#actually I need to rewatch bc from what I remember#jinx’s ideals are making silco happy like I don’t see her actually upset about what ppl are going through or wanting real change or whatever#like i think she’ll def be some sort of hope to some ppl of zaun due to the action#but like. that was pure malice that wasn’t Justice for zaun#she killed powder for killing her family the first time and she killed the council for killing silco#Bc jinx couldn’t have done it since she’s perfect silco said so#and this isn’t a violence isn’t the answer thing NO#i think ekko should blow up the council too and I hate that he’s hanging with that rat#heimerdinger and cailtyn are the same to me they’re both annoying#stay away from zaunites ty#you’ve done ENOUGH#the audacity to argue with ekko about who enforcers are#‘the Ppl dont want my help :(‘ ok kys. ez#Uhm anyways that’s very subjective and again I’m biased against piltover they’re literally nothing new to me#point is I don’t think jinx is the revolutionary some of y’all tout her to be#i know it’s scary but if u want that ur gonna have to focus on a black character outside his white potential LI#I KNOW I KNOW! it’s new to you it’s hard you can’t see him as anything besides smth ur fave reacts to#but if u want the person protecting zaunites as best as they can bc they love zaun itself#Ur gonna have to look past the sad white girl#difference between jinx and ekko is oppression shaping a rebellious personality vs the choice to rebel and do better for your people#not in a theory vs praxis way but in who’s actually concerned with others welfare and how zaun will move forward#while ekko is willing to use violence for his cause he’s more worried about keeping his own ppl safe which could potentially set him down#the road vander went - as opposed to vi who was like. traumatized into working with pilties this soon#It’d be a slow road for him. but also take into account he saw vander go down that path before and if it’s one thing he’s good at it’s#learning from the past. bring in how the silco and vander won’t repeat itself bc jinx who’s angrier at piltover and life in general than she#is hopeful for zaun might have to be forced to gain that compassion once interpersonally interacting with zaunites some who may genuinely#look up to her as a leader as opposed to local drug lords lapdog is gonna have to buck up and take responsibility#obvi vi and powder are vander silco foils duh but the way I’m thinking ekko and jinx could potentially be#wait for it#what couldve been
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
this was meant to be a funny post, but then it got deep imao
not a relationship person, but i believe in their beliefs
#me when i lie#it always comes round to june and i’m always single and it’s quite honestly homophobic#imaooooo nah it’s not that deep i’m just coming on my period hehe x#literally keep saying the same thing about relationships#like i shouldn’t get into one just because i’m lonely#and rush things and completely blow up my life on impulse#but i don’t know any other way#need to learn to take it slow and *actually* take it slow#because the last time i “took it slow’’ it all went wrong#basically i want a relationship at some point but when all your relationships are the same#it really gets to you#and i keep thinking about (redacted) and how much i fucked it all up#but also like would we really have worked out?#if i’d actually believed everything she said would we be okay?#do i not have a life? or am i not allowing myself to have a life?#bc literally i think i’ve gotten so used to being on the floor that i’ve forgotten how to get up#and like if i really tried i could actually get what i want#and i know that sounds obvious but like bear with me#i’ve basically shoved myself into a deep dark hole and covered myself up with dirt and then forgotten i can dig myself out#i *can* be with someone seriously#like yeah it’s uncomfortable and scary and it means facing up to certain things that make my stomach hurt but i will never have a life if i#don’t do these things#i can’t allow myself to basically get pushed back into the closet#i can’t allow myself to be infantilised and treated like shit all the time#like even if i’m surviving purely via spite for a while it’s better than the alternative#instead of constantly talking about the same thing and how nothing ever changes i should actually change it#again obvious but i’m usually miles behind bc my brain… isn’t great is probably the kindest way i could put that#and that’s okay. like it’s hard but it’s okay#even if i’m living out my teenage years and doing the things i’d wished i’d done then at 25+ that’s fine#there’s a whole fucking world outside my bedroom door so maybe i should go actually see it?
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i think 10.2 electric boogaloo should be scottish. i think that would be fun
#why? just because#gatwa is scottish right i hope his doctor is scottish too i think it'dbe a funny transition#like smth is definitely wrong if youre regenerating back to what was basically your teenage self#one of them anyway#but we're not LITERALLY back in 2006 and we've BEEN scottish now and we WILL be scottish and inbetween we've been yorkshire which is now my#favourite english accent of all time out of all the times ive heard (not many) but thats beside the point#so#i think#he should be scottish!#to make it super clear thatl ike Oh You Fucked That Regeneration Up Buddy#and also as like a 'where do i know this face' kinda thing like#where do i know this accent oh yEAH it was when you were the most you youve ever been when you fulfilled your lifes mission THATS when#and then you felt betrayed by yourself and by the master but we've dumped the master now and youve made peace with yourself#but smth is still wrong Clearly so you gotta remind yourself#7 is in the mindspace still talking to you abt when and when not it's good to blow stuff up and fragments from the past#you should be scottish!!#thanks for coming to my tedtalk
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#the thing is. you should believe survivors#also my ex after we broke up tried to go to half of our mutual friend and tell them horrifying stories of abuse he was dealing with#it wasn't even planned smearing campain (I don't think it's his style). he was truly hurt. some things really di happened. some even#happened the way he told it. and some were blowed to 'I went to work with bruises every day' (he was grabbed by hand by other partner once#and had bruises because he was so white-skinned he bruised like from touch)#or how I forced him to live with other man that hated him and turned his life to hell (he forgot to mention that it was my disabled brother#he flew away from our abusive mother as soon as he turned 18 and I gave him shelter. after asking partners to consider this seriously#because it's big commitment. I also stated several times that I'm willing to move out with him if it's unpleasant. also this 'living hell'#was him ignoring my partner completely after he yelled on him several times because as he said he didn't ran away from home#to suffer yelling again)#so yeah. it didn't work that time because my friend actually know everything from me long before my ex came to them#they nodded politely and never talked to him again#but it lingers. and it majes me look really critically at any call out or accusation.#person could be really hurt. really harmed even. and still there could be biases or misunderstanding or any human messiness#it sounds like girl had a horrifying experience. it also looks like she kept illusion of being fully on board and loving it.#was it believably? or he just didn't care#did he pick her because she was young and inexperienced? or because she told him she's interested in bdsm?#did he tried to help her when she was in bad place? or was he calculatingly buying her silence?#was he creepy or was he awkward?#honestly I don't know even... what kind of proofs you can get there#like we have her statement. we have objective thing — texts and vids. we can have Gaiman own statement#so what if he will repeat what stated in messages: it was consensual she literally wrote what she want me to do etc#believe survivors. what if everything she told is true too. but also what in messages are true too#what if she was scared and hurt and also told him yes and more and please master. because people are complicated#would he accused of not reading her mind? would there be charges on not checking enough. HOW WRAP MY MIND AROUND IT#like it's all is ne genuinely trying to understand what's next and how it could be wrapped at all#for the record: even if it was absolutely 💯 consensual and girl like completely lying about everything etc#he's still clearly fucked up and things were messy for a lot of reasons. it's bad!#but there's difference between 'it was rape or coercion' and 'it was poorly planned affair and he should've be more considerate of partners#feelings'. and in any way. hope that girl gets help
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
several days and 15 thousand words later, i am relieved to report that the suffocating urge to Write Something has been sated and no longer has me in a chokehold
#Seven.txt#writing stuff#thinking of that post that’s like ‘u Have To make art or all the ideas stay stuck in ur brain and make u sick’ bc yeah thats been the vibe#wish i wasn’t so all or nothing about it tho. but alas. i’m that way with everything in my life#i either expect 10k in a day from myself or i don’t write at all for weeks. or months :)#and my average pace is about 500 words per hour. so u can see. how that might be a problem. given how many hours are in a day.#and that’s obviously not sustainable. but idk if it’s adhd or what but it’s So hard to quickly start and stop tasks just Whenever#i struggle to be one of those ppl that can consistently write like. 500 words a day every day and then wow! soon you have a whole novel#nah. once i get myself in the Zone then i’m Goin’ and i can’t stop until i’m Done or i collapse from ignoring my body’s needs lmao#it’s something i should make an effort to do though bc i’d love to be consistently chipping away at things instead of working in bursts#anyways this is a lotta negative self-commentary for what is actually a Positive post! bc yay!! i wrote a thing!! Two things actually!!! 🎉#i got the follow-up to last year’s Matt oneshot done And i wrote the next chapter of Heaven in Hiding after uh. a year and some months#i wanted to blow the dust off the ol’ keyboard by starting with writing some less. uh. high-stakes(?) stuff#not that i didn’t put my all into writing them. i always do. just that ik they’ll have less of an audience so ill cringe less if they suck#so then i can hopefully do justice to the [N]MbD stuff that i’ll be putting out next! ehehe *rubbing my hands together* Finally#the next two [N]MbD fics r already written but the first little one needs a final edit#and then the Big one for. uh. someone (u kno who u r) needs a bit of rewriting i think. i wanna make it Better#so release schedule will be 1. Matt • 2. HiH Ch.3 • 3. [N]MbD small fic • 4. [N]MbD Big fic#then i’m gonna write a lil Boothill comfort oneshot. then i’ll edit/maybe rewrite and post that Dew (Ghost) OCD comfort oneshot#i also wanna keep writing the last couple chapters of HiH before i unintentionally abandon it again#and after/amidst all that maybe i’ll manage to get ES Ch.6 written and posted before the end of the year 😭#anyways ik i’ve made posts like this before. talking abt all these Plans of mine. and most of those things r Still stuck in the pipeline#so don’t put too much stock into this plan. i could have another Bad couple of months and get None of it done#but god i sure fucking hope not. i’d really like to cling to my creativity. if for no other reason than that it makes me happy
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
PREVIEWING: the one where i write fanfiction about a man with a wife and kid
(working title.)
“Ow,” Martyn says, monotone. “Ouch. Ough. Ack.”
Scott reaches up and hits him on the face. “Would you quit it with the dramatics?”
Two thirteen year old boys sit up in a treehouse much too high up to be safe. Rain patters gently on the roof, and water seeps in through the cracks of the old, splintered wood, hitting Scott on the forehead if he dares lean his head back. It smells of mold and 70% alcohol. “Sorry,” Martyn replies. He sits on an old pillow, skinned knee up and facing Scott.
It looks just about how Scott had expected Pearl and Big B’s treehouse to look like. There’s a tattered Wings of Fire poster up on the wall, but upon closer inspection, he can clearly see that it’s just four printed sheets of paper taped together.
Scott presses another one of those alcohol pads up to Martyn’s knee, and he hisses, scooting back just a little bit before a sorry look flashes across his face. Martyn moves back, and Scott expects Jimmy to pop up with a tirade of complaints, but Jimmy is not there. He’s getting his blond boys confused.
That’s what I get for having a crush before reaching high school, Scott thinks.
#limited life#trafficshipping#scott smajor#martyn inthelittlewood#no one fucking needs to know about this okay#we can keep this one a secret ok tumblr. just this once#if i blow up and become some popular internet icon we can let it go ok#i'm hesitant to tag this with either#ships mentioned because they are both not really mentioned.#im sorry all my non life smp followers. so sorry. so sorry. i should make a sideblog but i don't feel like it#also did you guys know that stampy and martyn were brothers in law?? because i didn't#he has a daughter and her name is amelia. am i morally in the wrong to be writing this#i fear god is going to kill me
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
got elton johns "i think im going to kill myself" playing on repeat in my head
#my friend said they dont think i should go to the con with them this weekend#bc all the shit going on in my life is making me mean#probably be less mean if i felt like they actually wanted to talk to me#or like. if my life wasnt fully falling apart#in other news i got way too drunk last night#i think i may still be drunk#back on the sober wagon we go#now to go to work and try not to blow everything up with my mind#ol.txt#suicide m#alcohol m
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
how did i end up. in computer science land..
#me “maybe i should look for undergrad research” n somehow ends up in a meeting w a comp sci professor#both of us sitting there like. do u know what’s going on idk what’s going on#bc i am simultaneously educated n also the stupidest person ever so i was like :> the whole time in that meeting#SKSJKSHAHAH#so now along w me we have to find a comp sci person who can do the comp sci stuff n i can do the healthcare stuff ig#n even then idk if the project is gonna get approved apparently we’ll be starting from scratch#which is so cool. like insane mind blowing stuff omg EXCEPT my school doesn’t value undergrad research that much#which makes both my life difficult as well as the life of the professor who i met w today…
3 notes
·
View notes